Being a mother is an experience that has caused me to become very dependent on the God whom I serve. It is indeed a great honor and privilege that carries grave consequences and unbounded blessings
When I became a mother, nearly eighteen years ago, I, in youthful ignorance, thought I had all the answers. God began to use a “tool” called Anna to shape my character, little by little. You see, He knew I needed a big dose of humility. By the time she was two, I realized I didn’t have ANY answers and that I needed help, Supernatural help, if I was going to raise this child properly.
Then God added another instrument to His character-shaping arsenal, named Kara. Knowing I had several rough edges that needed to be filed smooth, He blessed us with a daughter who is a “chip off the old block”. Rarely does one get the privilege of viewing one’s strengths and weaknesses in the raw clarity of childhood. I was granted this opportunity and boy, was it ever a revelation to see my own character mirrored in five-year-old fashion. Using my words to encourage and build others up, considering other people, and learning to give up control were all new territories for this mom.
One simply cannot be the mother of a boy without learning to be spontaneous, fun-loving and light-hearted…attributes that I had not previously possessed. Isaac was the instrument of choice this time. Perseverance, patience and empathy were to be added to the building. It’s amazing how deeply a mother can love.
The fourth tool began shaping me before she even arrived. God was in control of whether I lived or died. Could I trust that God loved me and knew what was best for my husband, myself and my children? Could I trust my children’s futures into His care? Meekness was added ever so slowly. Being a Type A, strong-willed, in control person the lessons were difficult and needed to be repeated again and again. But slowly, ever so slowly a little more “self” was crucified and ground was gained.
Eighteen years…and guess what? I’m still not the “perfect mother”. Just yesterday God showed me another area that needs a bit of sanding (make that a year’s worth of non-stop vigilance). Thankfully, I’m not the same girl I was eighteen years ago, but I’m not half the woman my Mama is either. I am so grateful that God has placed me on His wheel, the wheel of motherhood, and saw fit to use my children, to change me into more of His image.