I wish I could go back and unsay every unkind word I've ever said when I was upset. I wish I could magically undo the unkind actions. Never, were any of our conflicts resolved by debate, argument, unkind words or actions. Not once, did my "communicating" my concerns about a perceived wrong on his part change or even help to resolve the issue.
Loving my husband with all of my heart and not wishing to hurt him by saying things I didn't mean in a heated discussion, I began searching for a different way to resolve our marital conflicts. The answer was not one my flesh liked.
I don't even remember what the issue was now, but at the time I was very concerned with it. I remember getting up in the middle of the night and bringing the issue before God. I prayed, "Lord, you know my heart. I really believe my husband is wrong in this area. But, if I confront him, I'll only hurt him and nothing will be changed. If I'm wrong in the way I'm looking at this, then please change my thinking and show me what is right. I want to be a submissive wife, but I don't know how to handle these situations when they arise. Please show me the right way to handle it." The situation was not changed, but I had placed it in God's hands and He gave me a "peace" that it was going to be alright.
About three months (Yes, I said months) later my husband and I were talking. He said, "You know, God has really been dealing with me about _______. I don't think we should do that anymore." I could hardly believe it. I had not mentioned one word to my husband about it. God had dealt with his heart and the issue was resolved. NOTE: I did not let him know that I had prayed about this situation! That was just between me and God.
God showed me that if I really had an issue that needed to be resolved HE was more than capable of taking care of it. He did not need my help. How very humbling yet gratifying. I have tried to follow this pattern and have failed miserably many times, but it has never failed in all the times I have applied it.
1 Peter 3:1-2
1Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.