As I was finishing up the last bit of housecleaning, I stopped to bask in the contentment that comes from restoring order and cleanliness to my home. Such a sense of peace and well-being. And then it hit me. It was noon and I had just cleaned my whole house! Joel had taken the children to various appointments earlier that morning and wouldn't return until evening. After seeing them off, I had turned on a message and started my weekly cleaning.
By nature, I love to be busy and enjoy the various duties that come with being a helpmeet and mother. I love a challenge and am not afraid of hard-work. But, once I turned 40, something happened and I started to slow down. I began drinking coffee, though I had never liked it before, just to have the energy to get through the day.
It got to the place that I had to start my work on Wednesday, just to have it finished by Sunday. We have always worked together as a family, but with one child being married and two having jobs and their own schedules, I needed to make some major adjustments. And to be honest, it was difficult. Joel and Becca both did more than their fair share, but I was really struggling.
Joel decided he had to do something to lighten the load. He determined that he WOULD find a building or we would build a building to hold services in. We have looked at every available building in the surrounding area for the last fifteen years. One building (that would have been a LOT of work) had just sold. Another building wanted $1,000.00 per month for rent and really would not meet our needs even in the short term. The list went on. So he began to search for land and found several promising sites. One piece of land was 1.5 acres and they wanted $150,000 for it, another was 3 acres for $200,000. By the time we were finished we would have well over $300,000 in a modest building. Not exactly in our price range!
God had given Joel a dream and confirmed the dream, by letting our house in Ohio sell miraculously, when He first called us to Wisconsin. We came knowing we were following God's leading. In the dream, God showed Joel the building He had for us. But due to circumstances beyond our control, that building has not been an option. We have looked time and again, but each time we thought we found a building, something has caused it not to work out. God reminded Joel that He gave him the promise 16 years ago, and He would bring it to pass...in HIS time.
But, I was tired, really tired. Often times, we are capable of doing more that we think we can do. The issue is really one of not wanting to do what we must, more than that of not being able to do it. I know from personal experience! This was different though. I really couldn't do it. I wanted God's will, but I really wanted His will to be a building right away. I struggled. Would I accept God's answer by faith and continue to walk in His will or would I allow reasoning, questions, and my rights to prevail. If I accepted God's way, there had to be a death to my wants and desires. But I physically couldn't keep doing this! Would God ask me to do something I couldn't do?
He reminded me of the time He gave me strength when I was expecting Becca and had placenta previa. He reminded me that His grace was sufficient. If I would give it to Him, He would carry my burden, He would shoulder the load. But it seemed like such a big load.
I decided to trust Him with it. I gave it to Him. Nothing miraculous happened. I didn't feel any different. Life just went on. But then I realized that I had just cleaned my whole house and it was only noon! I know God will do what He promised to do, in providing the building, when the time is right; but more importantly He proved once again, that He is my strength when I am weak. He is my all in all!